Friday, September 24, 2010

I need you my Lord...

As I sit here,I write, I'm trying to race the clock with little peanut.  I literally only have minutes before she starts screaming again.  Yes, she has not been a very happy baby these days.  I chalk it up to teething, but I see no teeth yet.  It's time to be honest with you.  Well, she's already screaming but I'm continuing to type.  Maybe just maybe she'll console herself?  Wait, no wait, there she goes again.  Well, anyways, I've been struggling.  Struggling with my relationships.  With my husband, daughter, and my mother in law.  I have been diagnosed with post-partum and very rarely leave my house.  Two weeks ago, I decided that was going to change.  (Now she is holding her breath and screaming, I must take a break and tend to her)

Typing with one hand, baby screaming in lap but I am determined to get my thougths out.    I don't have much of a social life but that's changing too.  This morning was wonderful.  We had a playdate with some friends.  It was a good time.  Just to know I'm not the only one who struggles with these screaming child, the laundry piling up, dishes stacked next to the sink, a busy husband I don't get to spend very much time with...Yes other moms struggle with these same things.  It's nice knowing I'm not the only one.  And today I'm making a vow-things are going to change.  It has to-there's no choice.  Once again I have been trying to live and do everything on my own but I'm broken and need my Savior, my God to rescue me. 
Lord God, I need you today and tomorrow.  I need your strength to make it through this day and the next.  To make it through the next hour with Little Peanut.  I cannot do it on my own, I know and believe I can do it with your strength.  I confess that I have been selfish and distant O, Lord, please be with me.  Please help me be a godly mother to this little innocent child.  I pray for other mothers to be placed in my life to learn with, grow with, and learn wisdom with.  Please change me from the inside out.  I have a wonderful life, everything anyone could ask for.  A very loving husband and father to Little Peanut.  A beautiful daughter.  A newly purchased house to call home.  On the outside I have it all.  But I'm missing things on the inside.  I need you my Lord!  I need you, more of you every day.  Please be with my family, please grow us closer to you and closer together.  Please mend the brokeness in my life and relationships, may I be more like you.  I praise you for all that I have.  The small and the large things I do not deserve.  Thank you for the raindrops that fall and the sunshine that beams.  Thank you for a place I can call home with my fresh new family.  Thank you Lord for being there everytime I need you.  You never leave me nor forsake me even when I am distant with you, you're always there!  Thank you for your Love and your Son.  Thank you for the cross!  Thank you for life!  Thank you for my struggles and weaknesses.  For when I accept my weaknesses and give you my everything, that is when I am made strong.  Thank you for everything My Lord Jesus!  Amen!!!!