Monday, November 4, 2013

Lord, I need you

Screaming children, poopy pants over and over, spilled milk, whiny toddlers, crying babies all around me.  What is a mother to do. I have four kids three and under, man is it a lot of work.  Everyday seems to get harder and harder.  This is when I find myself holding unto the reigns of my life, trying to do it all on my own.  I love children.  I always have.  I dreamed of having many littles running around and beingtheir  mommy.  Now I have it and what do I do.  I try to take it all and not give them to The Lord.  It is not my children I am raising. These children are the Lord's children.  I now this, now I have to believe it.  I can see when I fail I am not allowing God to work through me.  When I scream at my children for the umpteenth time and still get disobedience. I'm at a lose; until The Lord gently and firmly reminds me to Come back to him.  To give his children back to him and lay my failings, shortcomings, selfishness, and the rest of my sin at the foot of the cross. The Lord is all I need.  

Psalm 46:1-3
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

Why do I forgot God, why do I try to do it without him when I know it's so much more peaceful and joyful with HIM!!!  

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

God's word is good food for the soul.  I want to believe that I deserve a break, I deserve someone to come help me, I deserve a chance to have time to myself. Satan wants me to believe that because I do x,y,z; I am a good person and do not need God but this List goes on and on, my wants and desires.  Truth be told, it wouldn't matter how much help I would receive, how many breaks I would get, or even if I by chance got time away; I would still be broken and in great need of my Lord and Savior!  I need you Lord, oh how I need you.  The words to this song, I desperately needed today.  I love my children, I love my husband, I love my life; however, I can't do this wife and mother thing alone.  I'm not enough and I fall apart without Him.  I need The Lord and so does my family.  

Lord, I come, I confess 
Bowing here I find my rest 
Without You I fall apart 
You're the One that guides my heart 

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You 
Every hour I need You 
My one defense, my righteousness 
Oh God, how I need You 

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more 
Where grace is found is where You are 
And where You are, Lord, I am free 
Holiness is Christ in me 

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You 
Every hour I need You 
My one defense, my righteousness 
Oh God, how I need You 

Teach my song to rise to You 
When temptation comes my way 
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You 
Jesus, You're my hope and stay 

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You 
Every hour I need You 
My one defense, my righteousness 
Oh God, how I need You 

You're my one defense, my righteousness 
Oh God, how I need You 
My one defense, my righteousness 
Oh God, how I need You

I've been learning of grace in a women's bible study I am currently in and boy do I need to give myself grace.  Yes, I am nothing without God, yes I fail my children and my spouse.  I even fail myself.  But that doesn't matter,no none of it does.  What matters is Jesus! Jesus died for my sins.  The sins I committed as a child, the ones I committed yesterday, and the ones I committed today.  Here right now, The Lord  is holding me and whispering in my ear, "I love you."  I am not the perfect mother or spouse but I can be my best and Jesus will take care of the rest.  I need to allow myself grace and do the best I can with Christ's strength! 

Thank you Lord for giving me a few moments to spend time with you regardless of the screaming children all around me.  Thank you for the four blessings you have given me. I give them to you, they are your children. Please grant me wisdom to show your love and grace to them.  Thank you for the wonderful husband you have given me.  Thank you for rescuing me.  Thank you for redeeming me.  Thank you loving me and giving me grace. In Christ's name. Amen.