Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My Second Love: A Proverbs 31 Study

As you can see, or not see,  my life has been crazy these past few months.  From the roof leaking, water damage, mold, foundation issues discovered, my home ripped apart, not having a kitchen to cook in, living out of two rooms we have made into a "mini loft apartment" on our second level; to pregnancy complications, intense discomfort, pain, going into labor 5 weeks early and after 30 hours of intense pain-still no baby, bed rest until we reach full term to keep him in longer, and the scare of him coming too soon for his lungs to be mature; it has been a whirlwind of emotions on this roller coaster of my life.  ( I know that is a run on sentence but it makes my point clear)  Life has been anything but pleasant and "easy" these past few months.  My heart has also been a roller coaster thru it all.  I would love to say that thru all of this, we as a family, have trusted the Lord wholeheartedly and have watched him work miracles in our hard situation.  Yes, it's true we have watched him do miracles; but to say I have fully been trusting in Him would be a lie.  Only have I come to my knees recently and have asked the Lord to forgive me for the way I have been in my heart regarding all of the choas in our lives right now.  My attitude, heart, words, and actions have not been godly nor appropriate. I have since then been clinging to the verses found in Romans 5:3-5 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  I pray that we will forever be changed and seek the Lord wholeheartedly first, me as an individual, then as a couple and as a family.  Thank you Lord for these hard times, for it is when we go through them, we realize how much we must rely on you and not ourselves!
God has been showing me my heart and has asked me to take a walk with Him through Proverbs 31.  I want and strive to be a woman after God's own heart and to be the mother and wife my family so desperately needs.  I asked the Lord to show me where He wants me to go.  He took me to the study entitled "My Second Love: A Proverbs 31 Study"... A journey I am desiring to take and I pray the Lord changes my heart; bringing Him honor and glory; showing others His love, mercy, and grace thru this change.  I want to use my blog as an accountability, as I will not be doing this study with a group of ladies, just solo.  So I'm not sure if anyone even reads my blog, but I pray this will be suitable for my accountability.  May the Lord be glorified!!

I started the study last night and worked on the Preface/Introduction today.  Here are my thoughts and notes on the Preface/Introduction...

Preface:  Biblical Submission:  What is it and What it's Not

The bullet point that stood out to me the most was:   A wife will consider her husband and his needs more important than hers.  (Phil 2:3)  This is a simple idea/thought/characteristic.  It means to be self-less.  Something the Lord is revealing to me that I must work on.  Yes, I want to regard my husband needs greater than mine.  But then I think, I'm the one pregnant, in intense discomfort and pain, have to deal with Lil Peanut's craziness of this new attitude she has started to have.  Shouldn't he be the one who should consider my needs above his?  Well, you can plainly see in Phil 2:3  Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves, that is not where my heart should be.  Those thoughts are of satan and God wants me to surrender them to Him.  I pray O Lord, that I will count SuperDaddy's needs more important than myself and learn to serve him wholeheartedly!

From the preface:   "a wife who is not practicing biblical submission will become the source of one of the most horrid things – causing the word of God to be reviled (Titus 2:3-5)."


Psalm 139:23-24
  Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
  And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting! 
Psalm 19:14
  Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. 
May these two verses to be prayer of my heart O, Lord.  I pray for change in my heart.  Please help me to change from the inside our.  Change my heart to be more like yours.  May I apply these verses to my life and impact those around me to bring you the glory and Praise.  I pray for your strength because I know and believe without you I will only fail.  

Luke 14: 27-33
 Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.  For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?  Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’  Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?  And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.  So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

I must deny myself, take up my slack, my sin and carry it to the cross.  I must give it all to Him to become like Christ, please help me O Lord to become like you.  Here is my heart; please change it.  Amen.