Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Overloaded..try again later

My brain is on overload.  Can't take anymore input.  Need to dump contents and reset!! This summer has been one of the most intense times of our lives!! We spent a month in Milwaukee children's hospital, almost lost our precious boy.  Spent the first two weeks of July getting the family back on a normal routine only to have it ripped apart.  We were thrown out of our home because of mold.  We camped in our backyard for almost a week, in tents, yes with four tiny kiddos! Then the construction began! Our backyard was no longer safe, so we moved our family to grandma and grandpa's backyard in their pop up camper. Life is a Constant go go.  I long for the day my home is done so that I can get back to our normal chaos!!! Life with four tiny kiddos, one with special needs, and one exhausted mommy with no home and space to call her home, is beyond hard!  As I sit here in this chaos and take a step back, I am reminded how "hard" I thought it was with two kiddos. Running Isaiah back and forth to Milwaukee every 2 months for his PWS. Running him to Madison for his asthma, and dealing with his failure to thrive.  Yes it was hard. No doubt. But looking back and comparing our lives today, to then, man, I would take that over this any day! But that isn't the point.  The point is, I can whollow in self-pity, cry, and complain that life isn't fair, or I can take up my cross and follow Christ.  It is very easy to allow satan to grab us in our weakness and spiral downward on the depression cycle. But my Lord reminded me to resist the devil and he will flee from you. I love it when he whispers scripture in my heart and I don't even know where the verses are found.  I love google too.  After my Lord whispered this truth to me, I googled it and found it truly was my Lord speaking to me.  James 4:7 states, " Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  Isn't our God awesome!? He not only tells us to resist the devil he tells us to submit ourselves to HIM!!!  I've been learning to submit myself to Christ, desire him, and my circumstance begins to fade away.  Yes, I have no roof on my house right now, yes, I'm staying in a camper, yes I have four tiny kiddos, yes one has special needs that overwhelm me, yes my life is chaotic, yes my kiddos disobey, yes my husband and I actually fight these days,yes I long to be In our house, yes, I'm purely exhausted mentally and physically. But CHRIST is not!!!!  2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  Read that again, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."   Christ is suffiecinet for me and HIS power is made perfect in my weakness!!! Wow so profound!! My greatest prayer for the last 10 years has been to be content in all circumstances. (It's the theme of my blog) As my life becomes more and more chaotic, the lights are out, and I'm clueless on how to go on until my Lord softly whispers to me, "resist the devil and he will flee from you". Those words have changed my perspective on this chaos we are living.  No matter where we are, no matter what we have, no matter what we don't have, all we need is Christ!  Paul knew that secret, he shares that in Philippians. But what does it really mean to be content in all circumstances? "I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.…"   Despite my circumstance we only need Christ! If you would like to fully comprehend what that truly means, ask God to show you!  I did, I'm still learning, and it's been hard but I'm glad my God is showing me how to walk by faith not by sight.  For to be content in all circumstances, one must walk by faith, which is so much easier to do with the lights on, when you know where your kids will sleep tomorrow, when your schedule is predictable. But that is not truly walking by faith.  When the lights are on, I'm in control, I see, and I plan, and predict what we do and where we go.  The lights of my life went out and I have been holding on to it, Fumbling around trying to turn that light back on because it is so much "easier" and less fulfilling to walk by sight.  I'm so thankful Christ changed my heart, I'm thankful that I put out my hand and asked Christ to guide me through the darkness,I will stop looking for the light switch.   I would never wish ill unto anyone or any family;  however, when one goes through endless chaos, that is when the realization of God's power and love, mercy, and grace overtake you!   Be careful what you pray for.  I've been asking for contentment and patience. God is teaching me!  I am so thankful for his promises. Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  I am the worst of sinners, I fail everyday, I am not enough, I complain, and I am the least patient women I know.  But I find my my comfort knowing that I don't need to be perfect because Chirst IS for me!  For a profound revelation!! I don't have to be enough because Christ is enough!!!  In this chaos, I chose Christ.  Life is hard but so full of Joy with Christ in control!