This week at study was very challenging. I am truly grateful and praise the Lord for bringing me to this study, because frankly, I NEED it! For the sake of my marriage and children, these things I am learning are desperately needed. So much from my childhood that I did not go through, learn, struggle with. I was merely surviving my childhood not learning to become a "well rounded" adult.
I have to admit that I am selfish, childish, reactive, and ungratful many times in my day. But never did I realize how much of my reactions, emotions, and fears are STILL connected to my childhood. I thought it was over! I thought I had worked through all the past abuse and neglect and now I could just live my life with my new family from the Lord. Not quite, the Lord had spoken to me today. Yes, I did work through the abuse and neglect with a counselor, but there's much more to dealing with my past that I didn't know before. I need no pity party or sympathy in what I'm about to say, it's merely fact...
I did not have what most grew up with. A classical sense of a mother and father, loving you unconditionally no matter what you screw up. I did not have disclipine that I could grow and learn from. I did not even know what I learned today even existed. I trust God will teach it to me, but when I was sitting in the study this morning...fear overtook my being. "How could I be the mother Peanut needs, if I do not have the fundamentals?" I trust the Lord, He will show me. But how and when, is my question? What are these fundamentals you ask? It's hard for me to understand these fundamentals and put them in a list form, but I will do my best...here goes...
From Chapter 11 of the book BOUNDARIES FOR KIDS, it talks about thankfulness, envy, and gratitude. How this is applied to us individually and how to apply it to our parenting is what we discussed at study. I could relate to being thankful or un-thankful. Even being jealous and envious, I understand what was being said. However, the further it went along, the harder it became to relate and understand what was being said and taught. From page 167 in the book, they talk about "giving, limiting, and containing." Giving the child the basic needs. And they don't just mean food, shelter, and clothing. On top of the bare necessities to survive, a child needs love, attention, quality time, discipline, security, and to be taught how to respect and be responsible. God has given me the ability to show her my love, attention, and give her my time. But it's a strange feeling, I cannot relate to these people and their stories from childhood, but, I'm so hungry to learn more from them. The next item is limiting wants and desires. Oh boy, what does that mean!!! The other moms would start grabbing memories from there childhood and would share what that meant to them. I cannot relate! Again, my childhood, I was merely surviving. How could I have wants and desires beyond wanting the bare basic needs I child needs, yet I did not have. I don't have those experiences to pull from. The definition from the book of limiting is as follows, "limiting is making sure children do not get too much or do not get inappropriate things. It is making sure that their wish to be in control or everything is not gratified. It has to do with the way you live out the word no and make it reality." I know I can get this, I just need time and help from the Lord. Thirdly, containing means a blend of the previous two discussed. "Containing is helping a child to work through her feelings about a limit and to internalize that limit as character. It is the addition of love, understanding, and structure to limits." Again I cannot relate. This sounds like greek to me. I do not understand what is being said, but, boy am I yearning to understand. I want help, I desire help to understand these fundamentals that I didn't learn growing up. I want to be the mother I never had, and I want my children to grow up in a way that they won't miss these fundamentals. I'm praying God reveals an older women to me, that would be eager to teach a young mom these basic fundamentals that seem so foreign to me. I want to change, I know I can with God's help. But I humbly realize I cannot do it on my own.
Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Lord Jesus, thank you for your never ending love for me and my children. I know and believe you work everything out for the good of those who love you. I trust in your love and your words..."never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Please teach me how to be the mother and wife, my family needs.
